On How Many Dates Should You Go Before it’s Official?

How long do you date before becoming boyfriend/girlfriend? It’s a question that lingers in the minds of many new daters. Does it happen naturally? Is a relationship assumed at a certain point? Do you need to have a discussion and make it official? The bad news is that it’s not as straightforward as you might have hoped. The good news is that it probably doesn’t warrant all that overthinking.

How Many Dates Before a Relationship Is Official?

There is no concrete rule to tell you when to make a relationship official. It’s all down to you and your partner. Usually, it happens around the fifth or sixth date. If you’ve made it that far, you’re probably comfortable enough with one another to pursue an exclusive relationship.

It can happen much earlier or later, though. Maybe you knew each other before you started dating and had a strong connection on your first or second date. Maybe you’ve spent a few long nights engaged in text exchanges. Maybe you are both so nervous and awkward that those first few dates were little more than anxious icebreakers, and you’re only just getting used to one another’s company.

The following signs will tell you when the time is right:

You’re Starting to Connect on a Deeper Level

If you’re still struggling through conversations and cycling through lists of icebreakers while worrying about gaps in the conversation, now’s not the time to think about exclusivity. When you reach a point of complete comfort, a point where the only anxiety is from the butterflies in your stomach and your need to be near, that’s when you’re ready.

It’s Not Just About Sex

A real relationship has meaning. It’s not just about sex. The early stages of a relationship are passionate. You’re ready to tear their clothes off as soon as you look at them. That’s normal and it’s a very good sign. For those looking for a committed relationship though, they’ll want to see the other interested in them outside the bedroom as well.

You Don’t Want Anyone Else

The most important sign that you’re ready for exclusivity is that you don’t want to be with anyone else. You’re happy with them and only them. You can’t picture yourself being with anyone else.

They Feel the Same

You might be ready to make it official, but what about them? Do they seem to have the same emotional connection? Are they only interested in you? You could ask them how they feel about the relationship, or even just check their online dating profile and see if they are still active.

What are the Milestones on the Way to Becoming Official?

One of the biggest challenges about becoming official is knowing if you’re both on the same page. Being open and communicative is the easiest way to get clarification, but it’s an awkward conversation to have. What if they say that they aren’t? You’ve just opened your soul to them and made it clear that you’re ready to commit, only for them to shoot you down and hook up with other people.

Oftentimes, couples don’t have that conversation. They just reach a point in their relationship when they’re spending a lot of their free time together and have strong feelings for each other—exclusivity is assumed. The journey that a couple takes on their way to becoming official usually looks something like this:

The First Connection

The first milestone is when you feel that initial spark. It’s the point that you know you want a second date. You’re still getting to know each other, but you know that this is not one of those one-and-done dates.

A Stronger Connection

You’ve had several dates, and while you’re still getting to know each other, you can see a future with this person. You’re eager to take the next step.

Not Actively Looking for Other Relationships

The main thing that indicates you’re on your way to exclusivity is when you stop dating other people. It doesn’t necessarily suggest that you’re committed to one another. It could be temporary. But you’re acknowledging that you have something good, something that could be great, and you’re going to work on it until that stops being the case or you reach the next step.

Meeting Friends and Family

It usually starts with meeting their best friend or siblings. It might then progress to meeting other friends, such as on a night out. Then you meet their parents. Assuming all of these meetings are planned and intentional—as opposed to bumping into them at their house—it suggests they are ready for more.

Overcoming a Challenge Together

The first big argument has the potential to sour a relationship, but it can also strengthen it. If you’re able to have a disagreement and work through it in a rational way, you’re on the right track.

Questions to Ask Yourself Before Thinking About an Official Relationship

We’ve addressed the things to look out for when judging if your relationship is ready and your partner is willing, but are you ready and are you willing? Ask yourself these questions before committing yourself to a long-term relationship.

Are You Making Excuses?

Do they have what you’re looking for, or are you overlooking major flaws that will inevitably destroy the relationship? If you’re ignoring red flags and settling for less than what you want, you’re probably not ready for commitment and may need to go back to the drawing board.

Can You See a Future With Them?

Picture yourself meeting their family, going on vacation together, and moving in together. How does that future sound? That’s what commitment is. It doesn’t just mean that you’ll have them all to yourself and can see them when you want. It comes with clauses that you may not be comfortable with.

Do You Want to Spend All of Your Time With Them?

You can maintain your independence while in a committed relationship, but your partner will expect to see a lot of you and will demand certain things from you that you might not be comfortable with. If you’d prefer to live the single life, spending time with your friends or yourself and not with your partner, you’re not ready.

Do You Want to See Other People?

The moment that you lose interest in dating other people is usually the moment you realize you’re ready for commitment. You’re human, so the idea of meeting other people and playing the field will still appeal to you even when you find someone special. But commitment comes when you’d prefer to be with that person over anyone else. So, if you’re not yet back on your dating profile and are seriously thinking about deactivating your profile, you’re ready.

Do You Think About Them All the Time?

If you can’t get them out of your head and are constantly daydreaming about them, chatting with them, and wondering what they’re doing, you’re infatuated with them. It can be unhealthy, especially if they don’t feel the same way, but if you’re both on the same page then you could have a bright future together.

Infatuation is not the same as love, but it can blossom into love.

Conclusion

The road to exclusivity can be exciting, confusing, and anxiety-inducing. You don’t always know what you really want and what’s best for you, and unless you’re having open and frank discussions with your partner, you won’t know what they want either.

Ride it out, trust your gut, keep asking yourself the pertinent questions, and if everything is making you uncomfortable and anxious, open up to them!

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