The Meaning of “Public Display of Affection” in a Relationship

Public displays of affection (PDA) are a contentious issue in relationships. Some like them and ask for them from their partners. Others find them awkward and embarrassing.

Some Examples of PDA Explained

PDA is when couples show their love when out in public. Most PDA in relationships relates to physical touch, such as hugging, kissing, and hand-holding, but it also includes those loving glances, winks, compliments, and other displays of affection. Some of the most common forms of PDA include hugging, kissing, and hand-holding. These actions, along with those sweet glances and affectionate gestures, make your feelings known to the world.

Some of the most common forms of PDA include:

• Holding hands
• Kissing (whether on the cheek, forehead, or lips)
• Touching or stroking
• Massaging
• Putting an arm around their waist
• Hugging
• Whispering in their ear
• Gazing longingly into their eyes
• Complimenting
• Blowing a kiss
• Winking

What Does PDA Look Like in a Relationship?

PDA can look very different at different stages of the relationship. Couples express themselves differently depending on how comfortable they are with one another and with PDA in general. Here are some examples of how PDA may appear at different stages:

The Early Stages of Relationship

PDA is usually more common when the relationship is young, and the couple can’t keep their hands off of each other. It may be less common in anxious and somewhat prudish individuals, but if they see that their partner is up for it, they may oblige. Everyone wants to keep their partner happy and do all they can to impress them during the early stages of a relationship.

An Established Relationship

At this point, the couple are more confident and assured. They don’t feel the need to impress one another, and the PDA comes from a place of confidence and love. If one of the couple is not comfortable with PDA, this is the point that they may pull back.

A Faltering Relationship

PDA is not common in an insecure, faltering relationship, but it can happen. Just because your partner is very tactile when out in public doesn’t mean that they still love you. They could be overcompensating, showing the world that the relationship is strong even when it’s not.

A Passionate Relationship

If the relationship is intense with regular sex and passionate displays of affection, the couple are more likely to express their feelings when out in public. They don’t really think about what’s acceptable and whether the group they’re in will feel awkward. They’re only thinking about one other person. Their focus is solely on each other, and everything else fades into the background.

Pros and Cons of PDA for Your Relationship

Whether you have just started dating or you’ve been with your partner for a long time, there are some clear pros and cons to PDA:

Pros

There are many positives of PDA in a relationship:

• It Strengthens the Relationship: Regular displays of affection can help to strengthen the bonds between two people. They can display the same level of affection at home, of course, but getting close in public shows that they are comfortable with their relationship and confident enough to get close in public.
• It Reduces Stress: Human contact triggers the release of feel-good chemicals and helps to reduce stress while making us happier. Sharing these feelings is what creates those bonds and ties a couple together.
• It Shows the World Your Relationship: You’re proudly showing the world that you’re together. It’s always a good thing, but it’s even better if you’re in a relationship that others might see as taboo, such as those with large age gaps.

Cons

Assuming there are no cultural issues, the only real downside to PDA is that both people might not be comfortable with it. If one person wants regular PDA and the other doesn’t, it creates a situation where one half isn’t getting what they want from the relationship while the other feels pressured and uncomfortable.

Misconceptions about PDA

If your partner is a little standoffish whenever you try to get close to them in public, they might be caught up in one of the following misconceptions:

It’s Not Appropriate

Some people refuse to engage in PDA because of a mistaken belief that it’s inappropriate. That can be true in certain cultures, but definitely not in the West. No one cares if you hug or kiss your partner in public, and they definitely don’t care if you hold hands with your partner or put your arm around their waist.

It’s For New Couples Only

New couples certainly engage in PDA more often than established ones, but that doesn’t mean it’s strictly for them. The stereotype of the old married couple is one of distance, almost like a friendship. It’s usually a gradual process, aided by kids who cringe when their parents hug or kiss, but you can get the PDA back. Some people might react differently to an old couple kissing in public than they would to a young one, but most people find it sweet.

It’s Sexual

Many people who struggle with the concept of PDA do so because they think it’s sexual. They might not be used to contact in general unless it occurs in the bedroom, so they associate passionate kissing with foreplay. They could have a very prudish upbringing with a family that didn’t talk about sex or display any kind of affection.

It’s Problematic for Some Couples

Some people are reluctant to engage in PDA because they are in an interracial relationship and are worried that certain people will react negatively. Most people don’t care. Society has come a long way over the last 70 years or so. Most people don’t care and won’t react.

Of course, there are exceptions, and they might be more common in certain parts of the country. It’s understandable for someone in this position to be wary, but it’s important to remember that there’s nothing wrong with it, the vast majority of people won’t care, and the ones that do won’t say anything.

There could be similar issues for relationships with a substantial age difference, but again, people generally don’t care.

If They’re Not Interested, It Means They Don’t Like You

People who enjoy showing their affection in public might be hurt if their partner isn’t interested and keeps pulling away. But it doesn’t mean they’re not interested. Some people just don’t want to express themselves around others. They might be shy or just have a different upbringing.

There are some reasons to get concerned. For instance, they might have lost interest in the relationship. It could also be that they are trying to hide the relationship, either because they are ashamed or they are seeing someone else.

If you’re worried that this might be the case with your partner, talk to them. Speaking of which…

How to Talk to Your Partner About PDA?

To some, PDA is a key part of their love language. They want to express themselves, and they expect the same from their partner. To others, displaying affection in public is awkward. They may be more shy and retiring, and are therefore not comfortable with any form of affection.

Regardless of where you stand, if your views are different to your partner’s, talk about it! Don’t keep everything to yourself. Bottling everything up will just cause problems in the long run.

Conclusion

Where you stand on PDA isn’t the most important thing—it’s more about how your views align with your partner’s views. It’s important to be open and honest with your partner, especially if your views on this subject are the opposite of your partner’s. Poor communication and opposing views on PDA can cause tension and even bring about the end of the relationship, so open up!

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