What is the Meaning of “Friends with Benefits”?

A friends with benefits (FWB) relationship can be a great way for a couple of single friends to connect on a sexual level and satisfy their needs without creating any attachment. But it’s also a scenario that’s fraught with danger, and there are several things that friends should consider before embarking on an FWB relationship.

“Friends with Benefits” Definition

FWB relationships are basically agreements between friends that they will have sex with one another while remaining friends and not progressing the relationship into anything serious. It is purely casual sex and is rarely romantic. It’s also not exclusive, which means that the people in a friends with benefits relationship acknowledge that they are able to see other people.

Differences Between Dating and Friend with Benefits Relationship

You like your friend and you enjoy spending time with them. If they are a “friend with benefits”, you’re also having sex with them. It’s a physical and friendly connection, but it also sounds a lot like a relationship, so what’s the difference?

No Exclusivity

At the start of a relationship, you may not be exclusive with that person. For many people, exclusivity becomes more likely as they get closer to a person and start a sexual relationship, but for others it takes more time. Either way, unless it began as friends with benefits or an open relationship, that exclusivity will come.

With friends with benefits, however, there is no such agreement. It is a casual, no strings attached agreement. They have an arrangement that they can see other people. That arrangement might not have been discussed, but as there is no actual relationship, it doesn’t need to be. Non-exclusivity is always implied in a FWB relationship.

Different Emotional Connection

Many FWB relationships lack an emotional connection, the sort of connection that you usually have in a committed relationship. But that’s not always the case.

What if you were friends first, and what if that friendship lasted for many years? We all have a close connection with our nearest and dearest friends. We don’t reserve those feelings for our partners. So, such a detachment isn’t always there. The difference is how you see them.

You might love a friend in the same way that you love a family member or pet. That doesn’t mean you want to marry them, get a home together, and combine your finances. So, while emotional attachments can exist in a friends with benefits relationship, it’s usually a different kind of attachment from the one that exists in a committed relationship.

It has also been said that some friends with benefits relationships exist purely for the emotional connection. The friends lean on one another because they are at a difficult time in their lives and they want some stability without commitment. But we would argue that’s not a friend with benefits; it’s a friend.

What Makes for a Friends with Benefits Relationship?

There is no set list of criteria for a friends with benefits relationship. There are many nuances, and these all come down to the individuals involved and the complexity of the relationship. But there are a few factors found in all of them, factors that are accepted as a given by anyone in a friendship with benefits:

Friendship

If you find yourself in an FWB relationship with someone who only wants to have sex, never listens to anything that you have to say, and refuses to engage with you unless it’s sexual, you’re not a friend with benefits—you’re a booty call.

You don’t have to be BFFs, but you should have some kind of friendly connection, even if it just means going out for a drink every now and then, enjoying the occasional movie night, or spending several hours chatting in bed after sex.

The friendship may come before the sex or after, and the timing will usually indicate how complicated things will get.

If two people have known each other for years, are really close, and then hook up, it can be awkward. They may have strong feelings for one another that they’re denying as they don’t want to hurt the friendship. They could just be leaning on one another during a difficult time.

Either way, the fact they have known and liked each other for so long and are also sexually attracted means they could be very close and compatible. It doesn’t mean they have to get together, but there’s a high chance that at least one of the two will think so and will, therefore, get their heart broken.

Friends with benefits are usually less complicated if the physical connection came first. It could mean that two people got on well together, had sex, and then realized there was no spark but they were having fun.

Physical Intimacy

Sex is obviously a major part of friends with benefits relationships. It is the physical connection that draws them together and keeps them together. As they are not in a committed relationship, they may even feel more comfortable getting intimate with one another, thus allowing them to explore their sexual fantasies more than they would do with a long-term partner.

Not Being Exclusive

If you are exclusive with someone, it means you agree not to see other people. It’s usually implied if you have gone on a lot of dates with someone and have had sex, but some couples make it clear to one another that they want to still see other people. In a friends with benefits relationship, there is no implied exclusivity and never will be.

The idea, in theory, is that both of the people involved can and will see other people. And if they get into a relationship with someone else and become exclusive, that FWB relationship will end.

Could a Friend with Benefits Relationship Fit Me?

It depends on what you’re looking for.

If someone is asking you to enter into an FWB relationship, make sure you are comfortable with the following first:

• It is strictly sexual
• They will see other people
• You may never have anything long-term with them

If your expectation is that they will fall in love with you, it’s probably not a good fit. That can happen, but more often than not, it doesn’t, and the end result is a lot of misery and missed opportunities for you.

If you’re trying to start a relationship like this with someone else, make sure:

• They actually want a regular sexual relationship with you
• They don’t want a deeper emotional connection
• It won’t ruin any existing friendships or relationships

Does Friendship with Benefits Lead to Dating in the Long Run?

It can, but not always.

It largely comes down to the reason the FWB relationship began in the first place.

For instance, if they have just come out of a long-term relationship, they might have commitment issues, so they weren’t prepared to start anything new right away. They could also be in a difficult personal situation, such as having too much work or issues with their children. In such cases, it’s more likely to progress to a committed relationship and may do so when they feel more comfortable.

If they are very promiscuous and clearly having fun playing the field, such an outcome is much less likely. They probably just want to kill two birds with one stone—someone with whom they can have regular, no strings attached sex while also sharing a few beers.

Conclusion

Not everyone is comfortable with FWB relationships, and even those who seem comfortable at first might change their minds when they start seeing their partner with other people or catch feelings for them. For this reason, it can be a problematic relationship, and you must ensure that both individuals are on the same page.

If you do that, and you’re 100% honest and open with one another, there is every chance you can make it work. Just keep that communication open and let them know exactly what you’re thinking and feeling.

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